Resistance is futile
A musing from 2020 about enjoying ease, easing anxiety, and receiving the bounty of abundance available to you š
Wow! I wrote this 5 years ago! This practice has gotten easier. The anxiety I experience has decreased by 80%~ even with everything going on in the world and being 8 months into treatment for rectal cancer!
Feb 9, 2020
Iāve been struggling with this idea:Ā that I amĀ worthy just because I exist.Ā
It seems like Iām supposed to DO something, ACCOMPLISH something, SOMETHING something in order to be worthy.Ā I read a quote that said ālet love, life, abundance and spirit fill you without expectation.Ā Just receive the bounty that is yours.āĀ You mean I donāt have to DO anything?Ā FIX anything? Or ANYTHING anything?Ā My controlling nature is freaking out right now!Ā
I keep thinking back to when I was in collegeā if you knew me then you know that even though I was in college I also had a full life as a working actor.Ā Things just kept falling into place one after the other.Ā I wasnāt worried about money.Ā I wasnāt worried about my career.Ā Iām not even sure I was worried about my grades- in fact, I know I wasnāt because when I was told that I was graduating Summa Cum Laude I was surprised.Ā
Itās not like that today.Ā Somewhere along the way things got gummed up.Ā I made some choices that supported the worry/anxiety parts of my brain and I think some parts of my life got so unmanageable that I felt like I had to control something so my Planner/Controller kicked in.Ā Then she went into overdrive.Ā Then the anxiety went into overdrive.Ā
Today, Iām learning to do a whole lot more of nothing.Ā Iām getting a big dose of humility with my current job situation.Ā And I donāt suffer from the constant anxiety anymore.Ā Thank God for that. But Iām still cloudy on how to get back to that young woman who found the flow and worked it so easefully.Ā As an older woman I want to find that flow againā but this time, instead of working it, I want to just be in it and let it take me wherever we go.Ā
Itās a little scary.Ā But the more I resist, the more frustrating life is so why not just let go?Ā As the Borg say: Resistance is futile.Ā Iām going to use that as my mantra to quell the resistance and welcome the flow:)Ā
Some more news is around the bend! Hope you are doing well:)Ā
Jenni
PS: Iām prepping a few new āCancer Chroniclesā podcast episodes and our new series, āIn The Heartlightā. If youād like to keep these offerings flowing, please become a paid subscriber
or make a contribution via Venmo: @jenni-tooley or zelle:
