Boundary Scripts
What to say when you don't know what to say- or what you want to say might be better left unsaid
Howdy darlin! Today I’m sharing a little extra goodness to supplement page 6 of Better Homes & Boundaries Vol. 1. Don’t have the zine yet? Here’s page 6 for reference. If you’d like to get the full experience subscribe to The Studio or purchase a digital or printed zine here.
Oh! And don’t forget- preorders for the Better Homes & Boundaries Limited Edition Printed Bundle close next week! So hop on board and git one now!
Many years ago, I was in a situation with my SO’s family in which I could have become easily enmeshed. Since they were unable to speak to him directly, they asked me questions about him or what I thought was going on with him.
I was surprised to discover that those questions weren’t mine to answer. AlAnon helped me realize this- and the people in my group offered support by giving me short, scripted responses that I could use when I was asked questions that I had no business answering.
I wrote these short sentences down on a piece of paper to have handy when speaking with his family on the phone.
Using these responses worked like magic! I stayed engaged without being emotionally or energetically swept away by the codependent chaos!
With practice, it became easier for me to remember them and use them in person too. It felt awkward at first, but like with all things experimenting with their use and getting reasonable or better results made me feel safer and more confident that the world would not end if I changed how I engage.
Here are some general scripts I’ve used to good effect. They can be used anywhere for anything.
“I’m not sure. You’d have to ask him.”
“I don’t know.”
”Let me get back to you.”
”Thank you for asking, but I’m unable to come.”
“No, thank you.”
Write 2-3 phrases go-to phrases that you could use on a piece of paper or sticky note and keep it somewhere near your phone, on your desk, on your monitor, or anywhere else that it could come in handy.
And if these don’t resonate, write up your own by following these guidelines:
Keep it to one sentence.
Say it in one sentence and then stop talking.
Be polite and firm, leaving no room for questions or explanations.
You’ve got this! Remember, protecting your own energy and sanity is of the utmost importance not just because you are worth it but because the world needs you at your best:)
Love ya lots!
Jenni